Fight Club (1999)

I have to watch this one again because I still don't get the significance of the soap thing. Yeah, Tyler Durden was a soap salesman. Big deal.

I love this movie. I knew the twist ending before I saw it and it still blew my mind. All the visual cues that hint towards the ending are so obvious now. XD Plus, I'd totally do Marla Singer. Who wouldn't? Brad Pitt and Jared Leto are yummy, blah blah blah. I want to read the book.

10/10

The Dark Knight (2008)

YES, BECAUSE YES.

I'm not into superhero stuff at all, but The Dark Knight knocked my socks off and then made me eat them. Heath Ledger is flawless. Christian Bale is awesome minus the part where his Batman voice was super annoying. Apparently, Cillian Murphy is in it for approximately three seconds (I've missed it every time). Gary Oldman is always a good time. Morgan Freeman was Morgan Freeman. Everything was great. This is one of my top favorites.

9/10

Sunshine (2007)

SHUT UP I REALLY LIKE CILLIAN MURPHY OKAY.

I'm not one for space movies all that much, but this was pretty awesome. I like ensemble casts, but I feel the term doesn't really apply to this film. Robert Capa was obviously the most important, but I was invested in some of the others. The end is depressing and bittersweet. I shed a couple of tears. Deal with it.

8/10

Red Eye (2005)

Cillian Murphy has major acting chops. Watching him go from charming blue-eyed deliciousness to rasping deranged psycho killer was so awesome I came buckets. Of course, I'm completely biased because I love Murphy almost as much as Jensen Ackles. Almost. A-FUCKING-LOT. Jensen who? Rachel McAdams plays the quick-thinking TOTALLY NOT WIMPY heroine, which I FUCKING LOVE. Character development is like Cinnamon Streusel Frosted Mini-Wheats: I can't get enough of that sweet, healthy, fibery goodness. MAKE me feel for the characters. It does a movie-watcher's body good. For a far-fetched plot, this thriller delivers.

9/10

Stanley Kubrick's The Shining (1980)

I wish more horror filmmakers would follow this example. Absolutely terrifying.

10/10

Harry Potter (2001-2011)

Separate posts be damned, I'm combining all the movies.


Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001)

The most faithful adaption to the book. We're off to a good start.

9/10











Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)

Same director, still faithful, more intense. YAY.

10/10













Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)

This is where we start playing Director Roulette. Alfonso Cuaron starts changing unnecessary shit, setting precedents for directors after him, and casts Gary Oldman as Sirius Black. I love me some Gary Oldman, but he would not have been my choice as Sirius. I didn't like David Thewlis as Lupin either, but he (Petti)grew on me. Sorry, that was awful.

7/10







Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)

Mike Newell takes the director's seat for this film. It's been awhile since I've watched it, but I remember it being pretty good. Fleur Delacour was so wrongly cast it isn't even funny. The three Triwizard Tournament tasks were awesome scenes. Again, I didn't like Brendan Gleeson as Mad-Eye Moody, but he grew on me. Oh yeah, and this is the film that introduced Robert Pattinson to the world. Way to fucking go, Mike.

7/10





Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)

This is where it gets goddamn ridiculous. David Yates is now directing and will be for the last three films. Everything in this adaption is embarrassing and retarded. The only thing he remotely got right was Umbridge and even she was too pretty. Oh, and Luna Lovegood was spot on as well. I understand the need to omit certain parts to fit a 600 page novel into less than 3 hours, but that also means NOT ADDING RANDOM AND UNNECESSARY SHIT.

1/10



Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

THIS MOVIE IS THE REASON FOR EVERY BAD THING IN THE WORLD EVER. I point-blank refuse to watch this movie ever again or own it. There was absolutely nothing good in this film AT ALL. I'm surprised rabid fans didn't burn down the Warner Bros. building. If this is what sets up the last two films, everybody's gettin' raped.

0/10
Read my full review here.

St. Elmo's Fire (1985)

I prefer the DVD cover to the movie poster just for the tagline. "You can always count on your friends. Don't ever let the fire go out." Amen.

9/10

The Breakfast Club (1985)

The part where they sit around and talk about how miserable their family lives are reminds me of every sleepover I've been to since the sixth grade. Another one of my favorites. The late John Hughes knew teenagers better than most teenagers.

10/10

Salvage (2005)

Actually pretty terrifying! Lauren Currie Lewis was a little too reminiscent of Kristen Stewart for my taste, but she played a sympathetic character and the concept was interesting. A lot of the movie was redundant, but for reasons revealed at the end.

7/10

Memory (2007)

I expected a lot more from a movie with Billy Zane and Dennis Hopper. Boring.

2/10

Bloody Mary

This movie was 500% less scary the second time I watched it at 3 AM. I hate when movies do that. It wasn't any less disgusting, though.

5/10

Mortuary

Retarded and Dan Byrd pisses me off with his existence. Don't waste your time.

1/10

O Brother, Where Art Thou?

One of my favorites. Flawless dialogue and performances by all, plus a great old-timey soundtrack to boot.

10/10

Pineapple Express

MUCH funnier than I expected.

8/10

Liar Liar

It's so rare to find a comedy that makes me laugh at all, much less every time I watch it.

9/10

Spirited Away

<3

10/10

Total Eclipse

Yeah, another Leo movie, shaddup.

This is pretty much along the lines of Amadeus. Another movie about an insane genius involved in a torrid love affair with his art...only in this case, it's also with another man. HOT. Nah, but seriously. Total Eclipse is gorgeous.

10/10

Amadeus

I remember watching this for the first time in my tenth grade chorus class. I also remember that in the opening scene when Salieri tries to commit suicide, the blood was purple because the TV over-saturated the color. Yeah, there was no point to that anecdote. I think about 1% of my class appreciated this movie like I did. Pure genius. As much as I loved F. Murray Abraham's performance as Salieri, Tom Hulce got robbed.

10/10

Rosemary's Baby

I was expecting a movie like "The Omen" with creepy children and theological overtones. What I got was disappointment. Boring and contrived.

3/10

Requiem for a Dream

Absolutely everyone needs to see this movie. It is not for entertainment. It is not for the faint of heart. It is not pretty. It is hard, gritty, real, and aesthetically bare. It is the truth. Go watch it.

10/10

Kiki's Delivery Service

I never thought I'd say this, but I was extremely disappointed. I am a huge Miyazaki fan, but this was so boring. Kiki was annoying, the cat was eternally pessimistic, and none of the other characters really mattered. None of the Miyazaki magic was there.

2/10

Teeth

Describe this movie in three words: Dicks. Dicks everywhere.

Seriously though, one of the best satirical cautionary tales ever. Protip for guys: don't be a rapist. Your victim might have vagina dentata.

8/10

Paranormal Activity

There is no middle ground with this movie. Either you loved it or you hated it. If you hated it, you dismissed it as overrated and boring. If you loved it, it stuck with you. I loved Paranormal Activity. I saw it twice in theaters, both times by myself. It's one thing to watch it at the theater but I shat bricks when I watched it at home. Seriously, I have never been so terrified after watching a movie. I second-guessed benign household noises and shadows. What you can't see is so much scarier than what is right there. Things you can try to escape from versus things that are beyond your control. Not to mention this shit is right in your house, the one place you're supposed to feel safe. Director Oren Peli preys on our worst fears and does a fabulous job. Believe it or not, I'm looking forward to the sequel.

Micah was a huge dick, though. I could have done without his douchebaggery. Poor Katie.

10/10

Donnie Darko

Oh look, another overrated cult classic. This movie bored the shit out of me. And no, it wasn't because I didn't get it. I didn't even care enough to try and get it. I wasn't emotionally invested in any of the characters so when shit hit the fan, not a single fuck was given that day. Plus this movie spawned a flop sequel. Ha ha.

2/10

Dane Cook: Vicious Circle

Technically not a movie, but I'd just like to point out that this is the peak of Dane Cook's career and after this special it went downhill faster than the economy. Rough Around the Edges is painful. He's really a funny guy and I hope he makes a comeback soon. Vicious Circle is hysterical.

9/10

V for Vendetta

Holy God, this is my favorite movie ever. I want this poster hanging in my room. I just wish that they had acknowledged that Guy Fawkes' Gunpowder Plot was for overthrowing the Protestant government and restoring the archaic and tyrannical Catholic government, the opposite ideals that V was fighting for. Still, I cannot even express how much I fucking love V for Vendetta. Natalie Portman is one of my favorite actresses, Hugo Weaving is a genius, and watching Ollivander from Harry Potter play a raging tyrant is fucking priceless.

11/10

Dead Silence

A film written and directed by the two guys behind Saw: James Wan and Leigh Whannell. Dead Silence takes an irrational fear and justifies it. A jolly good scare and delivers on all horror fronts.

9/10

Shutter Island

A little long, but it's a long book and a lot happens in it. I'm glad Martin Scorsese took on this project because I'm not sure I'd trust anyone else with it, except maybe Christopher Nolan. Another Leo triumph and another faithful book adaption. Dennis Lehane should be satisfied. The score is amazing, too.

9/10

Bridge to Terabithia

A beautiful and wholly faithful adaption to Katherine Paterson's novel of the same name. I didn't even care that Leslie was a mini-bohemian blonde instead of the butch brunette that she is in the book. Everything in the movie just felt right and I actually felt satisfied when it ended. Gabor Csupo gets to direct every children's book movie adaption ever.

10/10

Corpse Bride

HAHA, OH WOW. What a disappointment this was. I love Tim Burton, but this was about as hokey and trying-too-hard as they come.

5/10

Avatar

Blew my goddamn mind when I saw it in the theater, but once you realize how many other movies it's akin to (including ANOTHER JAMES CAMERON MOVIE YOU MIGHT KNOW AS "ALIENS"), it loses a lot of its power. The visual effects are unarguably stunning, but with its predictable and overdone plot, that's about all that it has going for it. Plus, now every filmmaker wants in on 3-D, even movies that don't need it. Life is 3-D. Hurr.

6/10

(500) Days of Summer

Marc Webb's transition from music videos to movies and it is flawless. This film resonated with me very heavily. Didn't much care for Zooey Deschanel's character, though.

9/10

Inception

The movie that made me fall in love with Leonardo DiCaprio again...and Cillian Murphy...and Joseph Gordon-Levitt...and Tom Hardy...and Ellen Page...ahem. Great story, great effects, great acting, great direction. Christopher Nolan is the very antithesis of M. Night Shitalan.

10/10

Eclipse

Ask me how happy I was when I found out David Slade was directing this one. He's the genius behind "Hard Candy" and again, for what he had to work with (in this case, the most boring installment in "Twilight"), I was not only pain-free watching this movie but I actually...enjoyed it a little. All the characters still suck except for select Cullens and Riley Biers, and there was only one fight scene, but hey. I'll watch Edward cockblock the hell out of himself all day, errday. Easily the best of the movies so far.

6/10

New Moon

Worst book in the series = worst movie in the series. I honestly wanted to stab everyone in the theater when the movie was over.

1/10

Twilight

In director Catherine Hardwicke's defense, you only have the book to work with and the book is mediocre at best. Therefore, the movie is mediocre at best, only now we have to WATCH the characters physically being shallow and one-dimensional instead of just imagining them. However, to her credit, she actually stuck to the book as much as possible, which is more than I can say for other directors (I'm talking to you, David Yates).

4/10

Napoleon Dynamite

I must be missing something here because this film is a cult classic and brought on the movement for awkward teenage boys in indie films (not mentioning any names MICHAEL CERA) with the title hand-drawn. Maybe the type of humor in the film is not my cup of tea, I dunno. This is the second time I've watched it and I still don't see the appeal, but at least people know Idaho is a state now.

3/10

Orphan

Kids in horror movies are usually hit or miss. Esther is right up there with Damien Thorn from "The Omen" in terms of sadism and general creepiness. I did not sleep the night I watched this movie.

9/10

The Hangover

Holy crow, this is probably the most overrated comedy I've ever seen. Definitely did not live up to the hype. Embarrassing, tasteless, and painfully unfunny. At least it was short.

1/10

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

I really wanted to like this movie. I love Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet, but they have zero chemistry. Not gonna lie, Eternal Sunshine bored me. Plus, I wholeheartedly disagree with the concept of memory erasure.

4/10

The Strangers

8/10