Ratings: A Quick Overview

Each movie is rated out of 10 with 0 being the worst and 10 being the best. Here's a quick rundown on what the numbers mean:

0/10 - Thoroughly reprehensible, this movie should be destroyed thoroughly and completely. Chances are, I will hate this movie with every fiber of my being and never shut up about how much I hate it. If you enjoyed a 0/10 movie of mine, you are wrong and this friendship is over.
1/10 - Pure garbage and a stain on the tapestry of cinematic history. Disregard completely.
2-4/10 - Almost totally awful, but there are a few things that save this movie...a little.
5/10 - Nothing worth mentioning again.
6/10 - Below average.
7-9/10 - Most movies will probably fall under this range. These are movies worth seeing and 9/10 movies have a shot at being some of my favorites.
10/10 - Without question, I will love this movie until my dying day, recommend it to everyone I see, and will issue the beatdown on all naysayers. If you dislike a perfect 10 movie of mine, you are wrong and I hope your parents leave you out of their will.

Please note that all ratings are relative and even subject to change.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Darkness Falls (2003)

This movie got thoroughly shat on by critics and undeservedly so. I mean, okay, the acting was shoddy in some places and there was a character that came out of fucking nowhere...but the scares are plentiful with lots of booga-booga moments and overall, it's a great movie for sleepovers.


On another note, I have a whole slew of movies I need to put on here, which I'll do sometime soon. I got lazy. My apologies to all 0 of my readers.

Monday, January 17, 2011

The Social Network (2010)

Good performances, good cinematography, good flow in the storyline. In other words, wholly unremarkable and undeserving of all the rave reviews.


Thursday, January 13, 2011

A Serbian Film (2010)

Foreign movies are always hard to rate because there's always something lost in translation. In this case, it's more like "What the actual fuck did I just subject my retinas and brain to?" To put it mildly, it is a highly visual film...one that is not for the weak-stomached, anyone that you actually care about, or anyone with morals. Supposedly, it's an extended metaphor for how the Serbian government treats its people, but even if you look past all the gratuitous sex and violence, even that redeeming quality is barely there. Disgusting, highly reprehensible...avoid this one.


Zack and Miri Make A Porno (2008)

I think this ties with Dogma as my favorite Kevin Smith movie. Cute, funny, smart, and surprisingly heartwarming without being mushy. It's good shit for a movie that's mostly a porn shoot.


Saturday, December 11, 2010

Airplane! (1980)

Still one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. Leslie Nielsen, you will be missed.


Thursday, November 11, 2010

Antichrist (2009)

This movie...wow...I mean...ew...wow. Definitely not one for the squeamish. This film is great for artsy pretentious people who like artsy pretentious movies because they'll cream themselves over the imagery and subtext of the first six minutes until HOLY FUCK, SHIT JUST GOT REAL. And then you kick back and lol as they cry because bad things happen to the main characters' happy places. I won't say much more about it, but it's a beautifully ugly film. You'll see what I mean if you watch it. I had a problem with the misogyny theme, especially when shit kept happening to the GUY.


Goodfellas (1990)

Definitely a lot of lulzy moments in there. Joe Pesci was hilarious, but way too annoying to be likeable...which is probably what they were going for. Whatever. At some points later in the movie, I was pretty much going "Okay, they're gangsters and they do gangster stuff, WE GET IT." But it was still a pretty great movie on the whole.