Dogma (1999)

This made more sense than any Sunday school class or any church sermon I've sat through. Not to mention a hell of a lot funnier.

8/10

Mallrats (1995)

I'm pretty sure Kevin Smith is the only director that can have dead-end college students make "your mom" jokes and have them be funny.

8/10

Clerks (1994)

My friend Becky is hell-bent on improving my lack of movie classics with all things Kevin Smith, so here we go.

The best way to describe "Clerks" is this: a bunch of dickheads shower you with insight and cigarettes. I get bored if a movie has too much dialogue, but this was good dialogue so I didn't mind so much. Jay and Silent Bob are pretty rad. I'm not sure if I would watch it again, but I got something from it, anyway. Plus, Becky will kill me if I say anything bad about it. "Clerks" rules or something.

7/10

Devil (2010)

God, whatever. I'm so tired of M. Night Shitalan existing. This movie is the same tired theological overtones and distracts you with "OMG WHO'S THE DEVIL? I DUNNO LOL" so you don't notice all the plotholes. Honestly, after awhile, I was just waiting for all of them to die. I didn't care about any of the characters at all and I HATE THAT. I wanted to see "The Last Exorcism" more anyway. Plus, all the previews sucked.

The score was awesome, though. In fact, it was the saving grace of this film. F+ for "Devil."

5/10

Drag Me To Hell (2009)

I'm conflicted about this one. The first time I saw it, it scared the shit out of me and I loved it. The second time, it scared the shit out of me, but it was campy and over-the-top, and not necessarily in a good way. A lot of the effects like [SPOILER] Sylvia's eyeballs and brain matter shooting out of her head and spattering Christine's face after her head was smashed by the RANDOM-ASS ANVIL LITERALLY HANGING OUT IN HER SHED FOR NO FUCKING REASON. [/SPOILER] Seriously, what? Anyway, it's a great scare, but I expected something a little more mature from Sam Raimi

7/10

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

I saw this for the first time today because I suck and I LOVED IT! Nobody does it like Tim Burton. It was over 9000 times better than Corpse Bride. All of the songs are perfectly orchestrated and, in most cases, sung by the ingenious Danny Elfman. Not to mention the Nightmare Revisited album showcases the one Marilyn Manson song that I actually like.

Jack Skellington can be my Pumpkin King any day.

10/10

Pathology (2008)

By far one of the more interesting movies I've seen. It's like CSI but starring Doc Robbins and David Palmer and they started a secret club that kills people and then they have to figure out how the other did it. It's a fascinating study on the human condition - from both the living and the dead.

8/10

(Are you happy now, Becky?)

Signs (1994)

Boring.

4/10

The Number 23 (2007)

I quite liked it. Jim Carrey is extremely versatile. Plus, it was fun trying to find the subtle (or not so subtle) visual cues that add up to 23.

8/10

Batman Begins (2005)

Batman Begins. More like Batman Backstory, amirite? Yes. However, I love back story and this was fun to watch. I like the concept of taking what you fear and making evil people fear it as well. Talk about being proactive.

The villain, however, was rather pathetic. Cillian Murphy, once again, is gorgeous and flawless in general (gross barf vomit, I know), but the Scarecrow was laughable at best. RAAH, SCARY TOXIC FEAR VAPOR OF DEATH WHILE ON MY HORSIE AND BEING DEFEATED BY A CHARACTER THAT DIDN'T EXIST IN THE COMICS ORIGINALLY WITH A TASER AND OH YEAH DO YOU LIKE MY SCARY POTATO SACK MASK? Slow your roll there, Dr. Burlap. Team Joker.

6.5/10 (Holy decimals, Batman!)